Until you sing

Mourn, child
You were not born for this
Not born to be on the other side of
Fists, slaps, choking hands
A dick that does not know who you are.

I know this will make you strong,
But the truth is that it will make you weak, also
It will make you scared
Want to hide,
More likely to slip into puddles
You would have been able to jump over before

So mourn, child
You were not built for this
To be whittled away at like stone
When he does not see the statue inside
He just wants to make you small

Mourn, child,
Because you loved him
You love him still
He is still something your huge heart can wrap around
His shape inside you

Mourn, child,
Because that love was not broken when he hit you
That love was not broken when he threatened you
That love was not broken when he nearly killed you
That love was not broken when he raped you
That love was not broken when you sensed that,
somewhere down the line, your life would be in danger.

Mourn, child
Weep
For your self, and your soul, and for his too.

You do not have to be strong through this
You will survive, of course
Survival is always a puzzle-game
How many pieces you can put back together

Mourn, child
Let us weep
Let us weep loudly
Let us weep loudly enough that we find each other
That we may hold each other

Let us weep so loudly that we do not have to
try and be strong

Strength will come from weeping, eventually
Because we are not made for weeping either
But if we do not weep ourselves empty
We cannot see what puzzle pieces we will find
to rebuild ourselves
If we do not weep ourselves empty
We will never be light enough to jump over the puddles again

Mourn, child
We were not made for this
We were made for singing
And for fire battles

Let us weep until we sing