Dreaming of pink

Rape is an amorphous
Monster

A gentleman dressed in a
Slick
Suit by day,
Recognised easily in
Public.

But as night falls
His shadows stretch into
Corners where

He is not recognised and the chill
He brings
Is not acknowledged and
The nightmares

That he breathes
Into your ear
Into my ear

Are not justified,
Cannot be labelled


(it is only his shadow that caught me
I cannot scream and cry
Because I invited him in)

But when I said no.
Again
And
Again

I didn't mean yes after another drink.

And didn't you notice?
That I was a dead weight?
That I was dreaming of pink while you,
While you were sweating on me
Stinking on me

Squirming in me

What part of that told you it was ok?
What part of that made me part of your game?


And when I came back to myself I didn't
Have the humanity let to scream but
I pushed you off me
And I cried


And I slept on a small corner of an unknown
Bed to sleep of the
Alcohol
(or whatever else you used as a lubricant)
Before I could cry my way home.


And
Then i had to stop crying because
It was only a shadow
That touched me

(so many women
Who have lived so much worse)


And "gentleman" rape is easily
Recognisable in the day

It's only at night that his shadows stretch
And his fingers clutch

It's his nightmares that crawl my skin
And his voice in my ear

Whispering

'but you said yes... You said yes'